Like your behind, everyone has an opinion concerning some seemingly important matter. Some people who are at a loss as to discern the relevant opinion from the less than relevant will seek advice. I have in the past made major mistakes concerning this behavior. I hereby list them all as an example of my idiocy.
- Offering unsolicited opinion.
- Offering opinion using the brutally direct approach.
- Offering solicited opinion when I should just say I’m unknowledgeable in the area of expertise requested.
I’ve broken up personal relationships because of #1. I advised someone in college who I thought needed it. This was a person who received a full scholarship and for lack of a more diplomatic term was pissing it away. I lie. I do have a more diplomatic term, but the one I’m using best describes the frustration I felt at the time. This individual was very bright. She had potential. Gobs of it. It was tangible to me in our conversations. Yet, for all of her brilliance she had flaws. She took her position in school lightly. I saw how she prioritized her life and academics were at the bottom of the list. I decided to give her my unsolicited opinion and tell her that she needed to spend more time on school and less on social activities. The opinion had the effect opposite of what I had expected. She became defensive. She avoided me after that “intervention.” Her grades faltered. She eventually lost her scholarship and had to drop out. I never heard from her again. If only my 34 year old self could go back and slap my 19 year old self for that little bit of unsolicited advice. If nothing else I’d tell my ignorant self that it’s best to leave certain things be. Allow people to make mistakes and let them sort it out for themselves. I’ve since learn that people are very compact bundles of basic drive with a thin veneer of “self-awareness.” Nothing will keep them from their immediate desire even if it means the detriment of their long term goals.
In regards to #2? Well, just look at the paragraph above. It worked out like a shit sandwich.
#3 happened when a friend asked me for financial advice. I’ll keep the story short and say that finance and friendship are not words and life matters you should ever mix. There were no money exchanged or borrowed. Advice was sought concerning investments. The advice was given with shallow information. A good friend would have just told him to seek a financial adviser and kept quiet thereafter. Unfortunately, I was not as a good a friend as I should have been. He committed to a stock that tanked. Fortunately, he was a better friend and we still laugh about it. I still feel bad about it. My circle of friend will bring this up when I begin spouting my opinions. It’s a good reminder that I have good friends who keep me grounded and humble.