After my little mid-winter vacation, I got sick with the flu. A potent one at that. This past week I spent 2 days working. Monday and Friday. I laid in bed the rest of my working week. I didn’t sleep well. I went from having chills that I felt all the way to the bone to sweating like I’m in a rain forest. My sickness is not the central point, but it might have a bearing.
I posted at the start of the new year where I put forth the gift of a set of principles for which I was thankful for receiving from others. This story is in regard to one specific principle. #5. The one that states, “People who do not judge me when I am at my most judgmental.” I wanted to be able to strike this one from my list permanently within this year. I wanted to get to the point where I don’t get myself into situations where I judge people. Ever. I wanted to give everyone a neutral starting point. As with most ambitious plans that have crossed the feeble minds on this planet, reality sets in. Anyone rational enough to take time and think critically about this will immediately know that I set for myself a goal in a time frame that is if not impossible, very likely improbable.
The sayings goes that you should reach for what is beyond your known capabilities, because you can never be certain if you can attain something unless you make an attempt. I have an addendum to this little maxim. You should reach for twice the [distance, goal, etc.] you can expect to realistically reach. If you reach it, repeat as stated on those shampoo bottles until you cannot attain twice your predetermined whatever. Whether or not you find yourself in a comfortable position within the limits you’ve reached, you’ve gained valuable insight into who you are as a person. I dare say that the person who knows his/her limits and bounds in this life will lead a more fulfilling life than the person who does not. This boundary is constantly changing, so the one you reach today is not the one you’ll reach in 5, 10, or even 20 years. Simply because you can’t reach it now doesn’t mean that you can’t attempt later, nor does it mean that it’ll always grow outwards. It will grown inwards. This is from thinking back through the many years of my adolescents up to my current supposed adulthood.
So does all this nonsense you just waded through have any relevance to the story I started at the very top of this self-indulgent trash? This past week, I’ve been quite irritable and I’ve internally referred to some people I don’t particularly enjoy being around a few uncharitable expletives. It might have been the fact my illness and related exhaustion caused these thoughts to crop up, but regardless it brought to mind that one particular goal I’d set for myself prior to this. I set a goal that is the equivalent to a moonshot on the first attempt. I had a lofty goal and reality be damned. I made the mistake every child and dieter [your pick] make when they want something well beyond their reach in the immediate future. A majority of the time they fail, cry about it, and wonder why. Now that I’ve made myself aware of this, I shall begin my self-improvement project from uncharitable thoughts of people who greatly annoy me in the following order. Incrementally. Over the course of my lifetime.
- Fucking dick head
- The dick head
- Dick head [note 1]
- Fucking shit head
- Shit head
- Sour-faced asshole [note 2]
- Pickled nuts
- The hemorrhoid
- The hernia
- The rectal itch [note 3]
- Bowel movement
- Sunshine [note 4]
Now, all I have to do is to follow these twelve incremental steps to a new perspective of uncooperative people. Hopefully, I will reach 12 on the last day of my life.
Note:
- It’s a big leap to leave this security blanket immediately. It’s warm, fuzzy and familiar since I first learned how to cuss the same as other adults.
- This is for Christina in reference to flight attendants who only bother to bring you water once during an entire 3 hour plane ride. It’s dry up there and it wouldn’t break the airline budget to give out liquids even if it’s just water. Like I said, Christina. It’s their job.
- This one came from Van Wilder. Juvenile? Yes, I am, but I don’t recall saying I wasn’t.
- Seriously, everything but #12 and #1 are the only ones on the actual list. It’s far milder and smaller lest you think me cruel. You COULD make up a list and send it to me. I’d enjoy that. New ways to cuss! Woo hoo!