Many people are probably starting to think how the new year can be different in the positive from the newly-to-be past year. And they always seem make promises in that certain out-loud moan on January 1st when the hangover is at its most potent. I would bet good money that the tradition of New Year’s resolution started when the consumption of alcohol became legalized again right after Prohibition. You can imagine a nation of people under alcohol ban for 13 years who are suddenly free to consume at will. Now imagine the first New Year’s eve where alcohol is going to flow more than usual and you have a New Year’s day full of very regretful people moan and whine promises that’ll be forgotten once the hangover clears.
Inevitably, you will also get the ubiquitous New Year’s day hangover remedies. There’s the Fight Fire with Fire remedy where you take an aspirin followed with a shot of hard liquor of choice. I’ve heard of the Sports remedy where you drink large quntities of your sport drink of choice. There are also the Pre-binge Remedies which aren’t so much remedies as prevention. These include the Good Stuff prevention where you drink only higher priced stuff under the mistaken impression that the cheaper stuff is full of impurities that causes the hangovers. This prevention also has a built-in mechanism which further limits the severity of the hangover. The price of the stuff you’re drinking is so expensive that you can only drink so much before you have to take out a loan for the rest of the evening.
However much New Year’s day hurts, do not moan in front of the Sanctimonious [Friend, Coworker, whoever]. These people are sadists. They seem to know where to kick to maximize your pain and humliation when you’re at the worst stage of your hangover. They will say, “Why did you drink so much? Me? I know how to limit myself.” You think to yourself, “Of course you do. Now I’d like to break your arm to more easily facilitate the process of patting yourself on your back.”
I will be staying in for this New Year’s eve. I’ll be cleaning out my garage, which hasn’t seen attention since I’ve moved in. I’ll be clearing out a few things left from the previous owner. I’ll also be cleaning up the past year’s paperwork and such. Yes. I’m quite the social butterfly.
As for this year’s resolutions? I’m going to wing it.
Even with all I’ve said, I wish your New Year’s eve and the following day to be enjoyable.