When one has no social life to speak of, one must find other substitutes. For me it’s work. I can trace the root cause of this all the way back to when I was still a boy. This was around the time when our guidance counselor brought up the subject of careers. Most normal boys at this age would’ve blown it off and went off and flirted with girls, and teasing girls and basically just thinking about girls 24/7. I did the complete opposite. I took it it literally, seriously, and to heart.
For as long as I can remember I was wound up really tight. Here’s an example. In elementary school we were shown one of those documentaries in school about how the Sahara was slowly creeping up on the African savannah and how in 20 years that half of north Africa would be all desert. I actually took it seriously enough to worry about it. So worried that I had a nightmare about it that evening. I’d wish someone would’ve told me that I seriously needed to loosen up. To think that I’d spent a majority of my life worrying is depressing. So now I’m trying to make up for all that clenched up emotions. I don’t think it’ll be easy going when one has been holding it in for so long.
After having said all that, I do not regret the choices I’ve made in this life. I just wished that I’d learned earlier to enjoy myself more.